Bastards, I leave for 10 days and you have a chuck norris craze. Screw You all. Except you Chuck, you can come here and let me pat your head.

That wouldn't be a good idea.

Just touching me has caused some people to explode.

Is that so? Say Chuck, wanna come meet my family? >>

I already know them. I know everyone.

Wait, I just found the ONE flaw in Chuck Norris...he met my family and didn't roundhouse them in the face....

I think I'll roundhouse you instead now. I have no flaws.

I shall heretoforth refer to Chuck Norris as The Mole Playing Rough.

*Engulfs Chuck Norris via phagocytosis.*

I need a place to sulk since everyone seems to be out during the day, so I guess this is as good as any. The Mole has moved on, but hopefully someone else will show up.

...until then I have the whole place to myself :D

*jerks off into a bowl of soup*

That actually reminds me of a dirty joke of my grandfather's...

We should serve that soup at every meal!

Teleports in.

Did someone say soup!?

Before the soup gets cold, we must care of Mani-Mani.

I hereby declare this establishment open for business! on its fifth mortgage! rated 'E' for Everyone! under new management!

That's right, this is a hostile takeover. The Moogle Mafia* owns this territory now. If you know what's good for you, you'll go along with this loudly. If I hear not one peep out of a single one of you... ohh... you don't even want to know what horrors will await you!

Business as usual then, shall we call it?


*See also: Kups, Muugs, Kupiads, Moogladores, and Yakupa.

Oh man, it's the Yakupa! I knew we were getting in over our heads with this.

*Walks through the door like a normal human being.*

Oh my God, it's a normal human being!! Get the shotgun, QUICK!

Man that roof's got a lot of holes.

Plan A is proceeding... well enough. Let us stave off any action for the moment; time is on our side, as far as we know.

Assassins! I was poisoned! Who put that in my drink!

If I hadn't have already been drinking a tall glass of omni-serum™ just then, I'd probably be a lot sicker than I am right now! Shame on you!

Hmm... it must have been someone in this room... so lets just kill everyone! :)

*sharpens daggers*

No no no... You can't just disembowel all of the customers! They're our only legitimate-looking front. Plus *fish hooks Mack in the nostrils* how can you get past those big puppy-dog eyes?

If I can't shoot anyone, where am I going to get our meat?

Any and all meat can be found in its natural habitat, the meatlocker.

hey friends, the co-founder has returned, tell me that da#1 link is still around and hopefully dark link, then us 3 links who started this can chat again, i've been away for 10 months!!!! oh my gosh, i'm glad to see things are still goin ggood around here

I don't think DL is around anymore.

D1L is, but he is a loser that hardly posts.

Hell, this is the first time i've posted here in forever.

In their stead, we have dressed up a couple of robust cedar logs and placed them on tall stools to make them look taller. It actually is pretty convincing after a certain amount of alcohol.

Plus cedar smells better than the hobos we used before, even if they don't make as much noise.

I thought DL was Raz.

I think YOU'RE Raz.

*Slllllllap!*

NO U!!!

Hey, HEY! We can all take turns being Raz after purchasing something from the watered-down-drink menu.

I think you're right!

Can I be Raz after you, SR?

If you feel you MUST.

Jeez, fine. You keep being Raz. I'll be Tempest!


Moan, sarcasm, stinging retort, emo emo emo, fucking die, fuck, fuck, witty flame.

Hey, we'll have naught of that profanity on these sacred grounds!

The rest of that is encouraged, though, and should be pushed upon anyone you find.

*Strolls in...through a hole in the ceiling*

HTLOZ is lagging. So I figured it was just right to stop by TLC.

I PEE ON YOUR FACE.

*dropkicks SKL*

I will kill you.

PAPA GONNA KNOCK YOU OUT.

*knocks out*

Someone needs to cut me! CUT ME!

*sips wine* You're all stupid.

THE CHAIR IS ON FIRE GUYS! LOOK!


*lights chair on fire*

*Barges in* Cool, a chair's on fire.

Hi ayn, how're you?

*throws cigarettes at an arbitrary clerk.*

Good, and yourself?

*Eats ice cream while arbitrary clerk burns*

No one works here anyway. *broods*

CANCER MERCHANT! CANCER MERCHANT!

Hey, Shadow, can I get some gum?

<3

Yes, you may.

Cool, nobody is running this place.

*loots the cafe storeroom*

That had better not be one of Mr Chairs relatives dancing the fiery fandango over yonder.

*Ice cream!*

I had this really weird dream that Oprah Winfrey was a bounty hunter, and was trying to off me.

You wouldn't stand a chance.

That would be one curvaceous Power Suit.

...God, and let's hope she can't jump high enough to get to the Morph Ball. That could do some serious damage.

She wouldn't even need weapons. She'd just summon a fantide and wipe me out in one blow.

Oprah Fett: "She's no good to me dead."

So does that mean she'll get eaten by a sand worm?

Walk without rhythm.

Out of curiosity, what does the Mooglish in your sig say?

Long live the Zelda series! (Final Fantasy too)

Also, Oo/oo "hoh-oh/oh-oh" you anglo bastards.

How did you translate is? Is there a translator somewhere? :9

I AM the translator.

Actually, a literary nerd friend and I found a translation guide and... erm... "filled in" the language gaps.

Moogle is his native language.

Ah, of course.

*Flutters into the bar and takes a seat. Right away, he orders a Kuponut Beer*

Blech! How can you drink that stuff?

Mountain folk have a taste for that stuff.

Can I have that picture of the map of this place? I may have plans most sinister.

I believe that document was officiated only by the Master of that which is forum relevant. While debatably accurate, I doubt it would be lost. I'm suprised it's not on the grill, even.

*sharpens claws on the side of the counter*
Sinister plans? I am most interested..

*Walks in dragging a headless corpse behind him and sniffs the air*

Tis' been a long time since I've tread foot 'round these parts.

*throws corpse on the counter and sits down*

You're ten days late with that meat! I'm not even going to pay for it!

Fine, be that way. I'll just eat the whole thing myself!

*takes a bit out of one of the corpses legs*

Mmhmm... good!

Damn, I wanted the drumstick.. :|

Well, there's still one leg left.

*His ears twich as he looked up after drinking the last drops*

"I ate something really kupo bad..." :disapprov

Describe it to me so that I may relive its culinary blasphemy.

*A mysterious figure walks in, garbed in blue silk robes. He has icy blue hair, and eyes that could make any girl fall into a deep trance. He looks around...*

So... This is the mighty Tri-Link's eh?

*The mysterious figure winks at Ayn, then with a flash of blue light, vanishes.*